Tips for Communicating in Marriage
Anyone who is married can tell you that, while marriage is a fantastic experience, it is also a lot of work. Movies and books often convey marriage as solely a romantic, invigorating experience where one is swept off her feet to eternal bliss. This image is quite detrimental to the ordinary marriage, as it gives a skewed, and quite false, impression. The most important part of achieving a strong, solid marriage is usually communication. There are many communication tips in marriage that will help you to build a solid, dependable and rewarding relationship. Here are a number of communication suggestions.
- Know how to say I'm sorry: Marriage is a partnership, not a competition. There is no reason to feel that you need to keep the upper hand, or that you don’t want to be found out to have made a mistake. The greatest lesson to learn in marriage and the most important of the communication tips in marriage is to learn to say “I’m sorry.”
- Say what's on your mind, but not everything: It's important to express what we are feeling. Holding your feelings inside, and letting them simmer, usually results in outbursts, frustration and anger. Discuss if something is bothering you; talk out frustrations, annoyances, and disappointments. At the same time, saying everything is unnecessary. Thoughts such as 'you look fat in that dress', 'you really goofed up that job', and 'I wish you were more like so and so' are hurtful and don't help the relationship. Speak your mind, but use discretion.
- Don't generalize: Though in the heat of the moment it may seem true, it is unlikely that your spouse always forgets to call when she's stuck in traffic, or that your husband never cleans up after dinner. If we try hard, we will remember that, even if this is a frequent occurrence, there are times that our partner has been helpful, considerate, and kind. Try and focus on the current problem, and leave what happened yesterday there.
- Don't assume your spouse is a mind reader: This is one of the great communication tips in marriage. Particularly after spending a long time with someone, we assume that they obviously know what we meant or how we are feeling. This is, however, not always the case. Very often when there is a miscommunication and a flare up, mind reading is at fault. Communicate what you are feeling; don’t just assume your spouse should know.
- Learn to say I love you, and mean it: You would be surprised at the healing and building powers those simple words can have when said sincerely. Everyone needs to hear these words – and your spouse is no exception.
- Listen to what your partner has to say: Listening has two parts to it: hearing the words and attending. Don't assume you know what s/he is about to say. Actually listen to the words that are being communicated, and process them before you respond. Attend to your partner both physically and emotionally. This means that you stop washing the dishes when your husband needs to talk or you shut off the game if she has something to say. Make eye contact and turn your bodies to face one another. All these will give your partner the feeling that you care and are interested in what they have to say.
- Learn to respond without being critical to your spouse: In the heat of an argument, we are often more harsh than we would like to be. Remember that this person is the very object of our affection; someone we truly love. Be sensitive to each other. Think how what you are about to say will make him/her feel. Make your point without breaking your mate.
- Communication is not just for arguments: Most of all, remember that communication is not just for arguments. Talk to each other about your day, your fears, your thoughts and your feelings. Call him/her up in the middle of the day just to say hello. Leave notes to show you care.
Communication tips in marriage emphasize that communication is about connection - having your feelings and thoughts heard, finding solutions to issues, and learning new things about one another, even after fifty years of marriage. Use this gem, and these tips, to create a lifelong relationship that will sparkle with laughter and love forever.
