How to Choose the Right After-School Children's Activities

Q. Dear Bracha, My daughter just turned 5, and many of the children in her class are enrolled in after-school activities, such as swim lessons, music lessons or art lessons, and even a reading-is-fun group. Is there a proper age in which children should be enrolled in after-school children's activities? I don't want to be an overly pushy parent, but I also don't want to deprive her of a great opportunity. How will I know which children's activity is right for her? Is it what she wants, or what I want her to do? I'd really appreciate your advice.

A. You are right to be concerned about over-programming your daughter. When deciding how many after-school children's activities to become involved with, there are many things to take into account.

Firstly, there is no obligation to do any activities, so take pressure off yourself in that regard. A child should be enrolled if it is a positive situation from all aspects this includes logistics. A family runs just as fast as the parents can move, and no faster. More importantly, the home environment is often a reflection of the energy, exhaustion or pressure the parents feel. So first have a look at what type of commitment and extra time these activities mean to you and your schedule (no, this is not selfish, it's just realistic). If you find you can fit one or more activities into your schedule and not feel strained, then you can proceed to considering which extracurricular activities to enroll her in.

Next question- how to decide which after school activity you should place your daughter in. I come from a fairly practical background so I admit that I am a bit biased. As long as the activities are fun (and not like extra school!), I would order the priorities as follows (but of course, you may have your own priorities): I tend to favor things that have life skill content such as the reading or swimming, simply because good readers have an easier time with school and swimming is a very big safety issue. After considering things from the practical angle the next question is: What does your daughter seem good at or have a natural talent for? And then lastly: What does she like doing? After looking at this list and weighing things, the last question I would suggest is: If she has good friends what classes are they taking?

Please remember that while checking into classes, the reputation of the class and its teacher cannot be over emphasized! If the reading class has a bad reputation or poor teacher then it may not be successful, even if your daughter could benefit from extra reading help. However, if the opposite was true and the teacher for this course had a great reputation, then I would put it at the top of the list even if other factors were against it.

When thinking of extra programming for your child, please remember that she is only a child. Every child has different energy levels. It is important that she has enough energy that when she comes home her mood is still good and that she is able to participate at home with energy and in a positive manner. By making these observations you will be able to determine the right mix for your child.

Please also remember that family time is very important. Every day your daughter should still have enough time and energy to spend doing things with you, helping set the table reading together and so on. The home is where children learn their most important lessons on life and it should be an oasis of calm in a very busy world. Wishing you and your family all the best - Bracha