Learn about Children and Video Games - OK or Too Much?

Q. Dear Bracha: What are the benefits and drawbacks of letting children play video games? I've heard every opinion from those who say that it promotes violence to those who say that video games for children create good hand-eye coordination. How do I know what is correct?

The world we live in is full of conflicting opinions and this is just a sample of one of them. If you search the internet, you will be able to find supporters on all sides of the argument. Having said that, the opinion you asked for is mine, so that is what you are going to get.

If they did a study showing that violent games do not affect children, it would not change my opinion. Any game that has you shooting ''people'' as you watch them fall and cry out in pain as they die is wrong. I would begrudgingly allow these games to be played by those who are 16 years and up, and then on a limited basis.

Younger children have NO NEED WHATSOEVER to be using a violent game, or for that matter, be subjected to violent movies or programs.

There is desensitizing going on at some level. These games compromise the integrity of each and every human being as something special and worth heroic efforts to save. In what way are we, as a society, promoting the care and respect for every human being? I know it's in the text books, but is it carrying over to the ''real'' world that our children are living in? Do children in general seem to be as caring as you think they should be? Do you want this level, or do you want more of a caring attitude for your children? Watching what is going in to their minds is a big part of creating the right mindset and attitude for them.

There are many other computer games that are not so violent. You should check out each game yourself, as names can be deceiving and you should have a complete understanding of what each game entails. The other area of concern is just how much time per day does your child spend on the computer playing games? This should be severely restricted.

In your original question, you asked me if video games for children create good hand-eye coordination. It seems to me that someone was using this excuse to promote video games. I found this idea so sad. I am sure there are much better ways to create good hand-eye coordination with far more benefits than video games do. Playing baseball or ping pong, embroidery, knitting, playing the violin and many, many more educational or physically healthy alternatives exist. At the very bottom of the list is video games, and I'm sure whatever benefits it may have in hand-eye coordination can be achieved within 20 minutes of use.

At the end of the day, what matters is only your opinion. What does your gut tell you? Most mothers feel that something is intrinsically wrong with such violence. I have found this ''mother's intuition'' to be a very good indicator in such circumstances. I think you already know what you want to do, but are having trouble doing it. When it comes to ''pulling the plug'' on your children's video games, it may seem as if you have just declared war! The only way to win any war is to stick to your guns. Don't change your mind, and don't waver. Have a plan in place and stick to it. If your children are already using video games that you have decided are wrong, you will definitely have a hard time getting them to change, but it's worth it!

I have been involved with families where their children were spending at least three hours a day playing video games or watching TV. After the ''plug was pulled'' and the dust settled, guess what happened? These children were so bored they started to read! Imagine that! With a little help from parents, this new free time should be put to good use - that's the trick, and it will benefit you child a lot more than will the video game.

Wishing you and your family all the best - Bracha