The Power of a Family Cleaning Routine

Q. Dear Bracha, My children are slobs. They never pick up after themselves and I feel like I'm a broken record recording "Clean up your room, clean up your books, pick up your clothes off the floor...” Please give me some concrete solutions so that I don't drown in their mess!

A. If you put a thousand women from all over the world in one big room, they would all find common ground with this one question. When you find the answer, I hope that you will tell me!

There is no “cure” for this problem in an older child. The only way to have neat children (unless you are lucky and they are naturally neat), is to train them when they are so small that they will grow up not knowing any other way. To these children, being neat and having a cleaning routine is just the way it has always been done in their family. When I say “young” I mean that they should be in the habit of cleaning as soon as they can crawl. Have them put their toys away and their dishes in the sink, using fun techniques such as games and songs. Keep it fun, light and age appropriate during their early years and your job as they grow older is usually a lot easier.

As for the rest of us parents who did not know this early enough, all hope is not lost! The first thing to do is to clarify your relationship with your children. You are not the maid, but a PARENT. Everyone in the house wants the chance to relax - but everyone needs to take responsibility for cleaning and maintaining the home as well.

What to do: You will have to decide what the priorities are for you and your family. Never mind what the Jones and their perfect kids are doing. What are the essential pieces for your cleaning routine? What do you think you can get your children to do without World War III. Here are some suggestions:

1. Most parents feel the common areas of the home should be presentable at all times. Is this achievable in your home? How do the common areas get messed up?

2. The kitchen is a very active part of the home and can quickly spiral out of control. Analyze the kitchen's problems separately.

3. Cleaning bathrooms are considered a fate worse than death by most children and quite a few adults. Can we get partial success in the bathroom, or just forget about this one.

4. Children's rooms are their own space. If it can be kept behind close doors, is there any reason to make this such a big issue?

5. Laundry can become an issue in some households, and often comprises the majority of the mess on the floor in the children's room. If your child is ten years old or older and you own your own washing machine, then there is no reason why he cannot do his own laundry. The damage done to some clothing is far out weighed by the freedom from doing tons of laundry per year. Just think about it.

Method: The two main methods are rules and routines. What you must know first is that you need to be consistent and not let them wiggle out of the cleaning routine. The second thing is that if a rule or routine is not working for you, modify it, change it or get rid of it; do not get frustrated over it.

For the kitchen, I would have chores, a rotation of cleaning up the dishes and kitchen right after breakfast/supper. If the common areas of the house are a concern, than after supper may be the best time to have the children do a quick pick-and-neatening-up of these areas. I suggest a posted weekly schedule, so that children can have the same area to clean daily for the week. The parent's job is to supervise. Homework and other considerations can usually wait the 5 to10 minutes needed to tidy up. If your children are still young enough, timing contests, (no rewards other than hugs!) or music can make this more fun and more of a family activity.

Break up jobs into manageable pieces. Older children and younger children may need different jobs, but all should be involved. If there is a major perpetrator of mess, no one should be cleaning up after him. Work this into your cleaning routine.

Every family is different and will have to create a cleaning routine that works for keeping the house neat. Balance is the key. Wishing you and all your family the best. Bracha.

** Disclaimer: Bracha Mirsky is expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician, counselor or mental health professional. Bracha Mirsky is not responsible for the outcome or results of following her advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and Bracha Mirsky accepts no liability for any situation in your life past, present or future.

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