Fool-Proof Techniques to Combat Child Behavior Problems

Q. Dear Bracha, My two year old has discovered hitting! How do I curb this behavior?

A. There are two things I need to know with regards to such child behavior problems.

1. Is hitting being displayed by others in the home, day care setting or other environment where he spends a lot of time? If so, it is imperative that he not be subjected to these examples, which he naturally mimics.

2. What is your response to his hitting? Understanding that child behavior problems are an attention-getting device is usually accurate. It is very important to take the attention away from a child who is seeking it; but this is very difficult to do when you are, of course, trying to discipline. For instance, giving him a lecture on why it's bad to hit is giving him attention. Even yelling at and punishing a child can be seen as attention.

So let's go to a little example. If you are talking with an older child,(or in the kitchen, etc.) and your son hits someone, instantly you are at his side (wow, instant attention). You may feel that whatever you are doing to admonish him creates a negative feeling and he will not want to experience this again. But, attention is attention and obviously, as you have noted yourself, his child behavior problems are not being deterred by you present techniques.

What to do? I would like you to know that this is just an example, to help you create ideas on your own. Your child is unique; please take the concepts in this example and “tweak” it so it fits you family and situation.

When your son hits someone, immediately give him a time out on a step or in a corner for at least 2 minutes. When you go to tell him he has his time out, you will only say a short phrase that is to the point such as, “We don't hit; time out now”. He is to have no toys or other distractions during time out. Do not make eye contact with him while instructing him; use a firm voice and an angry face. This is the ultimate cold shoulder routine and should be standard for all disciplining situations for child behavior problems. NO ONE is allowed to talk with him during this time. If he tries to talk with you or others, ignore him or say, “No talking.” Do not get pulled into any interaction or explanations. I assure you he knows very well that he did something wrong. In the meantime, make a sure you shower attention on the victim.

Work with this and I am sure you will see results. Watch for ways to increase positive interactions with your children to prevent them from seeking attention negatively. You may find certain times of the day especially prone to some type of negative behavior; pay particular attention at this time of day to create an inclusive routine. Wishing the all the best,- Bracha

** Disclaimer: Bracha Mirsky is expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician, counselor or mental health professional. Bracha Mirsky is not responsible for the outcome or results of following her advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and Bracha Mirsky accepts no liability for any situation in your life past, present or future.

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