Creating the Perfect Parenting Plan for the Morning

Q. Dear Bracha, I find the morning school routine very stressful. Between making lunches, feeding breakfast, getting together books and jackets and getting them out the door on time, I am in an absolute sweat first thing every morning.

A. This is one of those questions that show the importance of routines for children. Routines are especially effective for mornings and bed times. There are several main concepts for creating a parenting plan; some of these may be familiar and others may be new. The main thing is thatf you are going to have to be serious and put your parenting plan into action every day if it is going to work. It's all up to you.

I assume you have children of different age groups; you will have to decide on your own specific parenting plan but I can give you some basics. I'm going to concentrate on younger children for the examples. Here are three initial truths that can easily transform your routinue.

1. Make the lunches at night .

2. Children are to put their school bags together before they go to bed.

3. Get up earlier in the morning to give yourself more time.

The rest of your list has too many variables for me to be specific. The easiest parenting plan would handle the issues of waking up and eating breakfast. With young children, I recommend using music as an incentive to speed up the entire morning process. Record 5 or so songs t hat your children are fond of and tell them of your new morning routine. You will wake them up (with a very good morning), and start the tape. The idea is that the kids need to get up, get dressed, brush their teeth and get down to the breakfast table before the tape is finished. This is called “beat the tape”. Give the winners a big “hooray!” and the latecomers an “aww, better luck next time.” You may dance and sing while supervising the action, but don't pay extra attention to anyone who is slow; this sends the wrong message. Your children are to get attention for being fast. The breakfast meal, itself, is usually not the issue. However, if it is, give an incentive to the children. If they finish eating, have their coats on and their bags ready to go at the door, then they can put on a favorite video or play a game. Hopefully, they will move faster knowing there is something fun they could be doing when they are ready for school.

If you have older children for whom these ideas are too immature, it is best if you use accountability in your parenting plan. If they go to school without breakfast or miss carpool and have to take the bus to school on their own, this is not such a bad thing.

I urge you to work on this area of your life and to create a concrete parenting plan for the morning. Your language indicates that this is definitely starting you off in a stressful state each morning. It reminds me of my first few months of carpool with the triplets. I was a screaming wreck! For sure it was terrible for me; but, I became very aware of the negative send off I was giving my children, when the majority of the morning conversation was me yelling at them to hurry up! This was, obviously, not what I wanted, and I'm sure it's not what you want. As parents, we are very aware of the clock, while our children are completely oblivious to time pressures. Create the right parenting plan and stick to it to make the entire morning a happy part of your children's day. Start slowly and build up your own routine; one you and your children will remember with fondness. Wishing you and your family all the best - Bracha

** Disclaimer: Bracha Mirsky is expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician, counselor or mental health professional. Bracha Mirsky is not responsible for the outcome or results of following her advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and Bracha Mirsky accepts no liability for any situation in your life past, present or future.

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