Potty Training
Q. Dear Bracha, My son will turn three in November. My other boys weren't potty trained until their third birthday, but now this child is in a nursery school where they really want him trained. We have a small potty and we talk about it all the time. We try to encourage him to use it but he really resists. Do we just wait it out until he's ready or try to push him to be ready?
A. Toilet training is a very big issue and I thank you for asking this question. There are a great many books on the subject and you may find one that your friends recommend. The main point in toilet or “potty” training is not to make a big “thing” out of it in the form of negative pressure. Keeping toilet training light and as positive as possible is a must. The other aspect of toilet training is that a child must have the ability to control himself, which is an age and individual ability. Once you are convinced that your child now has the physical ability to be successful at toilet training, all you need is the motivation.
Motivation is the key to success - but it shouldn't be a way for your child to turn the situation around so he will get too much attention and drive you crazy. Your goal is an independent child who can go to the toilet by himself, without you asking him every 15 minutes if he feels the need to go to the “potty”.
Method: As stated before, there are many good books on the subject from which to choose. I will let you know how I trained all of my children. This method was given to me by one of my friends and I will be forever thankful for it.
When you are sure your child has the ability needed to be toilet trained, talk to him about going on the “potty” and what a great thing it is that he is old enough to do this himself, just like mom and dad. Now that he is such a big boy (or girl) he has graduated to wearing underwear, Yippy!!! Congratulations!! That calls for a special celebration. Then take your child out to a toy store and get him his “graduation present.” It does not have to be a big toy, just something that you know that he will love. Go home and put him into underwear, letting him know that, as long as he keeps the underwear clean and dry, he can play with the toy. If the underwear gets wet or dirty, he will have to put the toy away until he can show that he can get to the toilet in time to keep it clean.
Be prepared for a messy first day. Whenever your child has an accident, make very little fuss over it, just a - “that's too bad, we have to put your dry underwear toy away for now”. You shouldn't have any harsh voice - just keep it cool and help him get clean. Keep the entire situation as pleasant and fast as you can manage with little attention paid to it. It is best to take the toy away to a place where he cannot reach it, but can see it - heightening self motivation. Do not give an inch on letting him have the toy back before he “makes” something, no matter how small, on the toilet/potty. Whenever he is successful you will give justifiable praise (making a big deal out of it) and then give him the toy back with a flourish.
Children usually respond well to this method; by the end of the week accidents are rare. Additional points: - many parents take the diapers away totally at this point, including at nights. This is an individual decision, but if you feel that your child has control, it may be a good idea to get everything done at once. If your child is not upset when you take away the toy, it's the wrong toy. Most children do have control around the age of three years old, some even earlier. However, a significant group does need extra time - up to three years and four months is still quite normal. If your child is still having difficulties or you are unsure if he is ready, please consult your pediatrician.
I hope everything goes smoothly and you find your son's “graduation” to the world of underwear fast and fun! Wishing you and your family all the best! - Bracha
** Disclaimer: Bracha Mirsky is expressing personal and professional opinions and views. These opinions or views are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed physician, counselor or mental health professional. Bracha Mirsky is not responsible for the outcome or results of following her advice in any given situation. You are completely responsible for your actions and Bracha Mirsky accepts no liability for any situation in your life past, present or future.
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